An Open Letter to the Church from a Lesbian

  An Open Letter to the Church from a Lesbian

"You are willing to compromise the word of God to be politically correct. We are not deceived. If we accept your willingness to compromise, then we must also compromise...We do not ask for your acceptance of our sins any more than we accept yours. We simply ask for the same support, love, guidance, and most of all hope that is given to the rest of your congregation. We are your brothers and sisters in Christ. We are not what we shall be, but thank God, we are not what we were. Let us work together to see that we all arrive safely home."

Lists: Your Plans or God's?

He must not only know what he believes, he must know why he believes the things that he believes.  He's gotta be good with kids.  Hardworking, honest, humble, and handsome: those are a must.  He's gotta be articulate and athletic.  If he's older and successful, that's a plus.  Oh, and tall too.  I'm almost 5'10", so I gotta be able to wear my heels and not dwarf him! He has to fit in perfectly with my life: if he truly loves me, he won't ask me to change.   He can't be a nut.  No wacky ex-girlfriends. He’s gotta love the Lord.  Oh, and did I mention he has to be handsome?  We’re talkin’ a 9 or a 10 here folks.  And together we’re gonna make smart, tall, beautiful, athletic and talented babies.  Lots of ‘em.     

How's that for a list?  Sound familiar? I mean, when it comes to a spouse, don't we deserve nothing less than the best?  If I believe God has great plans for me, isn't my list at least somewhat justified?  Well at minimum, people always say it's good to know what you want, right?  

Maybe.  Maybe not.  Herein lies my problem with the “list mentality”, and it arises after examining Proverbs 16.  Let’s look at a few verses:

Verse  1: "The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.”  That seems pretty clear to me: I can plan and daydream all I want, but in the end it is the Lord, the One with true authority, who wills and brings forth HIS plan.  Yes, HIS plan.  Not mine!  He is the Author of all things, the great playwright.  He has the final say on this stage we call life.  Maybe His answer is “Yes”, maybe “No”.  Or possibly, “Not now, dear child.”  But I do know this, whatever His answer, it is right and good because it is in accordance with His good will.  And so I trust that He has a beautiful plan beyond what I can even imagine!

Verse 2: “All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the spirit.” Each one of us is self- biased.  Just spend some time around any normal human being and that will become quite evident. Oh you came up with that idea?  You’re an idiot.  But if I came up with that idea, well now, that’s another story.  I’m brilliant.  Possibly even the greatest thing since the invention of the toothbrush (or SPAM).  Take you’re pick.   Well, not really, but I think you get my point.  Too often we cannot see past ourselves.  We think our ideas and our lives are great.  We think we’re great.  What’s most scary about this is that often these thoughts and ideas about ourselves are not even conscious!  We are so wrapped up in ourselves and we can’t even see it! So when the Lord weighs my spirit, what will He find?  Will He find me searching high and low for the perfect spouse to fit my perfect little world?  A spouse who can fulfill all of my wants and needs?  Or will He find me humbly surrendering up my love life (or lack of it!) to Him?  Am I seeking a spouse for my own glory or for His?  Am I seeking to pursue my “pure” ways, or His pure ways? The answer makes all the difference.    

Verse 4a: “The LORD has made everything for its purpose.”  Everything?  Yes, everything.  “Whoa!”, you say, “that’s a lot of things!”   Indeed it is!  I find it amazing that all things and all human beings possess a unique, God-give purpose.  And furthermore, God equips us to fulfill our purposes when we are pursuing and seeking after Him!  While I would certainly like to be married some day, I know that as long as I keep running after the Lord, He is going to give me the tools I need to fulfill all He has called me to.  Maybe somewhere in there He’ll include a husband.  Maybe not.  Either way, however, I will not be lacking, because in Him I have EVERYTHING!  Once again, am I pursuing God’s purpose for my life, or am I trying to force my own self-determined purpose on Him?          

Verse 5:  “Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the LORD; be assured, he will not go unpunished.”  An abomination to the Lord?  That’s a pretty serious statement!  But I believe there is a lot of truth in this, especially when it comes to relationships and dating.  I think the “list mentality” can be a sign of arrogance because it portrays the message that “I know best.  In fact, because I know best, and this is what I think I need, by golly I’m gonna get it!”  I think it can be  both presumptuous and prideful. But let’s take a step back.  Take me, for example.  Yes, I have ideas of what qualities a godly man should possess.  And while I don’t necessarily always hope for the “tall, dark and handsome” type, I confess there are certain traits I find more attractive in men. This seems innocent, but looking back at this verse, is it really arrogant? I think it all comes down to the heart.  Who am I trusting in?  Myself or the One who is bigger than me? Personally, I know this: God is bigger than any of my lists!  As my Creator and Father, He knows me intimately, and He knows me better than I even know myself.  In fact, because He knows me better than I even know myself, He also knows what I need more thoroughly than I myself know! And that even includes the type of man I Lord-willing marry someday!  I believe wholeheartedly that God has something glorious in store for me.  Whether that is a life of singleness or marriage, I do not know.  And yet I do know this: whatever God has in store, He will make it clear and He will equip me for it.  And furthermore, I will be incredibly grateful in the end because whatever He brings me, it will be way beyond anything I could ever dare ask or imagine.   To draw from Tim Keller, “[…my] mind is not open enough or frankly smart enough to know what [I] spiritually need.”  God is bigger than our lists.  I know this because countless times I have seen Him turn such lists completely upside-down!  God gives us what we need, not what we want!  And to demand our near-sighted desires be met and blessed by Him is both arrogance and foolishness!      

Verse 9: “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” You mean I don't have the final say?  No.  You can plan all you want, but God always has the last word.   Once again, this is another affirmation that God is bigger than our lists!   

Verse 25: "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death."  Death?  Whoa, that's pretty serious! Many of you are probably wondering if death in this context is meant literally or figuratively.  I would argue both.  I think a family friend stated it very well when she said, "Dream your dreams, but if God isn't in them they'll soon become your worst nightmares."  Nightmares which will manifest themselves in physical, emotional, and spiritual death.  Yes, I hope to be married someday.  Indeed, very much so.  But I only want this if it is indeed what the Lord has for me.  If it is not in His plan, I want no part in it. I’d rather be in God’s will and single than pursuing my own will and married.  If I determine for myself that I will be married, and I pursue that apart from God’s will, I have no doubt that it will be disastrous.  I mean, how more disastrous than death can it get? It can’t! 

As I wrap up, I want to look at The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer.  He writes, "There can be no doubt that this possessive clinging to things is one of the most harmful habits in the life. Because it is natural, it is rarely recognized for the evil that it is. But its outworkings are tragic. We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. That is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fear. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed."  What are these "things" we cling to?  Well, it can most definitely be those treasures and relationships which are tangible.  But I also believe these "things" we cling to can just as much be ideas.  In the world of dating and relationships, especially prospective relationships, these ideas and images can manifest themselves in lists, either physical or mental.  The problem is, these notions are often constructed out of our own selfish and sometimes misguided yearnings.  

And so I close with this: like John Newton, I want my joyful prayer to be, "Lord, what you will, when you will, how you will."  If it is the Lord's will that I be blessed enough to be married some day, I am trusting that He will bring that man into my life in His good timing.  And I am trusting that He will do that apart from, and in spite of, my meek lists.  Until then, I have the duty of singleness, and I want to be used by my Lord and Savior where He has me now—and that is as a single college student.  I don’t want to waste this precious time away yearning for something that might not even be in the Lord’s plan for me.   Instead of focusing on lists and daydreaming about my future spouse, I want to pour my time and energy into accomplishing all that God has for me and day by day, growing more and more into a woman after His own heart.  Lord, what you will, when you will, how you will.  Amen.

**Note:  For those of you concerned folks out there, that list at the beginning is not Sara Seeland’s “What I Want in a Husband” list.  It was rather a compilation and exaggeration of lists I have seen over the past.  Please forgive the ridiculous sarcasm as I sought to re-create snippets from those lists. 

Video: I Will Wait

Article: Wimps and Barbarians

One of my classes this semester is "The Nature and History of Manhood".  I like to call it my "Man Class" hehe :)  The following is a very interesting (and I think true) article written by my professor.    

Click HERE to read "Wimps and Barbarians"

Mark Driscoll: How Dare You

I have recently come along a good friend and joined her in prayer for a friend of hers. This particular girl’s family is in the midst of being torn apart by the actions of an abusive father and husband.  This man is not engaged in the lives of his wife or children, and the message they receive from him is loud and clear—they are meaningless to him.   However, this man doesn’t only fail as the leader of his home because he has neglected them.  As if that weren’t enough, he also bears down on them with a reign of terror. In fact, it has recently become so bad that the mother is now too afraid to go to bed at night for fear of facing her husband’s bitter hatred.  She has thus resorted to crawling into bed with her daughter, both of them hugging and crying themselves to sleep as the night drags on.  Afraid to seek help from the church for fear of what the father will do, this mother and her children have resorted to submitting to this man’s tyranny. Having experienced a similar situation with my own family, it both breaks my heart and angers me to hear of other families suffering such horror and heartache.  The families in today’s churches are under attack, and I believe Satan is waging war against the Christian home, seeking to destroy the lives of men and women who profess the name of Christ. In fact, I’m sure we would be shocked if we knew how prevalent this is in today’s church.

Satan has done a masterful job at distorting the two divine mandates of headship and submission. Sadly, it is not uncommon to see men who authoritatively control their families in a selfish, self-serving way. On the other extreme, today’s church is filled with men who cede the responsibility for guiding the family to their wives. Likewise, while some women are dominated by their husbands, others seek to “wear the pants” and control the relationship.  This is not God’s ideal, yet we have so quickly abandoned it! We are in desperate need of husbands and fathers who have the courage to stand upon the Word of God, men who honor their God-given responsibility to lead, guide, protect, and provide for their families. 

This situation with my friends reminds me of this this clip from Mark Driscoll.  It is very powerful!  He boldly confronts the men in his church, men who are neglecting, dishonoring, and abusing God’s daughters. This snippet is taken from his "Marriage and Men" sermon. Fed up with the havoc wreaked by men acting like boys, Driscoll calls out the men in his church, challenging them to grow up and treat women the way they are called to be treated. It is a very sobering message, and I'm sure many women wish the men in their lives had the ears to hear it.

Since the garden of Eden when Adam and Eve first fell in sin, the realm of marriage and family has been a raging battlefield.  Today, I believe the church has a responsibility to shepherd its flock, supporting and challenging its members and, when necessary, practicing loving church discipline.  Just as church leaders will be held accountable for how they shepherd their community, so too will husbands and wives.   My prayer is that God will give husbands the courage to seek accountability and provide the loving leadership God intended them to exercise, and wives the grace to respect and support their husbands.

Reflecting on the Past Year and Looking Forward

As I look back on this past year, not only am I amazed at how fast it has gone, but I am blown away by God’s abundant and gracious provision, protection, guidance and faithfulness to me.  With each passing year God is stripping the scales from my eyes and allowing me to see more of Him for who He truly is.  I am such a painfully slow learner sometimes, and I myself believe I would have given up on me a long time ago, which is why I thank God He is patient with His ever-wandering child.   Thank you Lord!

As I go into this coming year (2012...eek!) I am both excited and anxious—excited for everything God has in store for me, but nevertheless anxious in not knowing what those things will be.  What I do know, however, is this:  My duty and desire is to love, honor, and worship my God in ALL that I do and in all that He brings me to.  And that truly is my desire.  I want to want God, to long for Him and pursue Him more than I ever have before.  I know in my own strength I am incapable of this, but I thank God for His Son and the work of the Holy Spirit in my life, as well as for fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who are encouraging and challenging me in my faith.  I want to be a woman after God’s own heart, undistracted and unwavered by the incessant pulls from the lusts and vanities of this world.  May this next year be a year filled with God’s glorious work as I seek to wholeheartedly pursue Him through Christ!

Video: When I Became a Man

A Woman's Question

A WOMAN'S QUESTION

"Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing

Ever made by the hand above?

A woman's heart, and a woman's life--

And a woman's wonderful love.

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing

As a child might ask for a toy?

Demanding what others have died to win

With the reckless dash of a boy.

You have written my lesson of duty out,

Manlike, you have questioned me.

Now stand at the bars of my woman's soul

Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,

Your socks and your shirt be whole;

I require your heart be as true as God's stars

And as pure as His heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef,

I require a far greater thing;

A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts---

I look for a man and a king.

A king for the beautiful realm called Home,

And a man that his Maker, God,

Shall look upon as he did on the first

And say: "It is very good."

I am fair and young, but the rose may fade

From this soft young cheeck one day;

Will you love me then, 'mid the falling leaves

As you did 'mong the blossoms of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,

I may launch my all on its tide?

A loving woman finds heaven or hell

On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,

All things that a man should be;

If you give this all, I would stake my life

To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook

You can hire and little to pay;

But a woman's heart and a woman's life

Are not to be won that way."

--Lena Lathrop