What Love

I am continually amazed by God’s particular love for His children.  Just the other week, my younger sister, Ingrid, shared in youth group an upcoming event she wanted prayer for.  As she shared her particular struggles and concerns with her small group, they prayed that God would protect Ingrid both spiritualy and emotionally.

The following day—the day this particular event was to take place—my sister was at school.  For her, it seemed like any other normal day in the life of a high school freshman, but that was soon to change. Excusing herself from one of her classes to use the restroom, Ingrid saw a flyer on the bathroom mirror with tear-off tabs.   Curious, she approached the flyer to notice it read, “Take what you need.”  There was one tab left: Protection. 

Ripping off the tab and flipping it over, she read the Bible verse written on the back, "God you are my hiding place, you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance" Psalm 32:7. 

What a coincidence!  How wonderful that Ingrid was in the right place at the right time. At least, that's what many could and probably would say.  And yet, consider the incredible detail in the events that unfolded:  To begin, Ingrid was led to share a concern and struggle with her small group at church, something which led them to pray a very specific prayer of protection for her.  Then, the following day, of all the possible bathrooms Ingrid could have gone into at a giant high school, she happened to enter this particular one.  Also, at a public high school like Minnetonka, faith matters—while maybe not actively discouraged—certainly aren't encouraged.  And yet, despite this, some female student felt led to place a flyer with encouraging Bible verses in one of the bathrooms, a flyer with only one tab remaining: Protection. Coincidence or providence?

I don't believe what happened last week was coincidence, and neither does Ingrid.  Honestly, I believe coincidence, chance, luck and other such words are simply worldly terms for providence. In Christian circles, providence is a term that gets thrown around a lot.  Yet what is it and what does it mean? In a current book study on Trusting God by Jerry Bridges, I am learning that providence is "God's constant care for and His absolute rule over all His creation for His own glory and the good of His people." And so, to recognize God's providence is to realize that not only is He sovereign over all things, but He actively guides and directs all things in accordance with His ultimate purpose: our good and His glory.  

And yet, God's sovereignty is not always apparent.  In fact, it often isn't.  Take the stories of Ruth and Esther, for example.  In Ruth’s case, we read, “So she set forth and went and gleaned in the field after the reapers; and she happened to come to the part of the field belonging to Boaz, who was of the family of Elimelech. And behold, Boaz came from Bethlehem…”(Ruth 2:3-4a).  Basically, no one told Ruth to glean from  Boaz’s field, yet his was the field she came upon by happenchance.  And who just happened to return home while Ruth was gleaning in the field? None other than the master of the house himself: Boaz.  Talk about perfect timing.  What is more, we read later in the chapter that Ruth found favor with Boaz.  Why?  Did she just happen to be in the right place at the right time?  Or was something or Someone greater at work?

Esther’s case is another prime example of the unseen hand of God. Throughout the entire book, God remains hidden behind the scenes—He doesn’t speak, He doesn’t send angels to rescue His people nor does He send a prophet.  There are no miracles in this book, nothing supernatural.  And so, in many respects, Esther appears to be a Godless book.  And yet, all of the events that transpire in the book of Esther scream of God’s love, power, goodness, grace, justice, and faithfulness.  As Mordecai himself says to Esther, “And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14b). For those familiar with the story of Esther, you know how it ends. But how is this so?  As pastor Mark Driscoll states, “God works in Esther not through His visible hand of miracle, but through His invisible hand of providence.”   

And yet, despite His seeming invisibility, I am becoming increasingly aware of the ways in which God makes Himself known in so many intimate, personal ways.  It's amazing that God cares so deeply for His children that He shows His love so specifically.  What kindness!  The other week, God showed His specific love for Ingrid on the mirror in one of her high school bathrooms.  When I reflect on my own life, I am astounded by the countless ways in which God has shown me that same, specific love.  Personally, I know that so often I resign myself to "facts" about God... His goodness, sovereignty, power, love, etc. And these truths are incredibly important, yet in order to have a deeper, more personal relationship with my Lord and Savior, I cannot rely solely on facts.  To have this, I must come to see Him in the midst of my personal pain and rejoicing, struggles and triumphs—I see His providence in the details of my life, and through this, grow in my trust of Him.  As someone just said to me recently, "You can't have a real relationship without trust.  If you don't have trust, there's no relationship."  Such a simple statement, yet so true.  And this is why I believe God is so specific in His love towards us—He wants us to trust Him, to rely solely on Him and to have faith in His power and goodness.   He can't help but overflow in abundant lovingkindness towards us, a love which, in turn, can't help but win our trust.  I am in awe of this—that my Father, the God of the universe, loves me that deeply, right now. What love, great love.  

Pride, Unbelief, and the Failure to Forgive

“But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” (Matthew 6:15)

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you.  […] For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” (Luke 6:37-38)

In response to being forgiven by God, shouldn’t our hearts overflow in love and forgiveness towards others?  Shouldn’t we be so in awe of the underserving mercy God has shown us that our lives are characterized by an outpouring of grace towards others?  Why then, when we are wronged, do we feel a driving need to call out the unjust?  Why do we hold grudges, and why do we possess the urge to defend ourselves and show others the offenders’ true colors?  Why does anger and resentment eat away at our souls, and is there a better way to respond when we feel unjustly aggrieved?

For myself, I am learning that the gnawing I feel within to have vengeance and set things right stems mainly from a heart of pride and unbelief.  One of my greatest idols is man’s approval.  I’m a people-pleaser, and as such much of my identity is wrapped up in how others view me.  While being a people-pleaser may cause me to appear humble, the reality is that my people-pleasing behavior actually stems from a twisted sense of pride—pride that demands others respect me and hold me in high esteem. Any slight against my character or person is thus a danger that threatens to destroy my world.  How do I respond to such slights?  Anger.  Bitterness.  Resentment.  Despair.  I believe also that my failure to forgive arises from a heart of unbelief which manifests itself in two ways— unbelief in who I am and unbelief in Who God is.  What do I mean by unbelief in who I am?  I mean that I fail to recognize how sinful I really am—I write my sins off as trivial compared to the sins of others, refusing to believe that I’m really that bad.  What a lie.  And then there’s my unbelief in God which doubts His sovereignty, goodness, and justice.  And what does this cause me to do?  I take matters into my own hands.               

C.S. Lewis writes on the problem of forgiveness in the following:

“. . . you must make every effort to kill every taste of resentment in your own heart—every wish to humiliate or hurt him or to pay him out. The difference between this situation and the one in such you are asking God’s forgiveness is this. In our own case we accept excuses too easily; in other people’s we do not accept them easily enough.

As regards my own sin it is a safe bet (though not a certainty) that the excuses are not really so good as I think; as regards other men’s sins against me it is a safe bet (though not a certainty) that the excuses are better than I think. One must therefore begin by attending to everything which may show that the other man was not so much to blame as we thought.

But even if he is absolutely fully to blame we still have to forgive him; and even if ninety-nine percent of his apparent guilt can be explained away by really good excuses, the problem of forgiveness begins with the one percent guilt which is left over. To excuse what can really produce good excuses is not Christian character; it is only fairness. To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.

This is hard. It is perhaps not so hard to forgive a single great injury. But to forgive the incessant provocations of daily life—to keep on forgiving the bossy mother-in-law, the bullying husband, the nagging wife, the selfish daughter, the deceitful son—how can we do it? Only, I think, by remembering where we stand, by meaning our words when we say in our prayers each night ‘forgive our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us.’ We are offered forgiveness on no other terms. To refuse it is to refuse God’s mercy for ourselves. There is no hint of exceptions and God means what He says.”

If I cherish and nurse a grudge against a fellow man, how can I dare approach God and demand mercy? If I—a depraved and sin-soiled sinner—demand justice when I am slighted, how much more should the holy and all-powerful God of the universe demand justice when His name is scorned?  Why should God have mercy on me if I fail to render to Him that which I demand for myself from others?  He shouldn’t.  In fact, the intensity with which I hold others guilty bears testimony to the fact that God will hold me guilty for my sins against Him.  It seems then that Christ’s command to “Forgive that you might be forgiven,” is not just a suggestion—it’s a rule!  I like how John Piper states it when he writes:

“God treats us in accordance with the belief of our heart: if we believe it is good and beautiful to harbor resentments and tabulate wrongs done against us, then God will recognize that our plea for forgiveness is sheer hypocrisy—for we will be asking Him to do what we believe to be bad. It is a dreadful thing to try to make God your patsy by asking Him to act in a way that you, as your action shows, esteem very lowly.”

And so, what can I take away from this?  If, in my pride, I hold fast to an unforgiving spirit, I am proving that I do not trust Christ and His way of life, for how could I withhold forgiveness for mild offenses when my monstrous debt against the most high God has been paid in full?  I know I can’t earn Heaven by forgiving others, but my prayer is that I will cease to be like the unforgiving servant Jesus spoke of in Matthew 18.  Through the power of the Holy Spirit, may I come to resist revenge against those who have hurt me, grieve at their calamities, pray for their welfare, and seek reconciliation so far as it depends on me. 

“When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered he did not threaten; but he trusted to him who judges justly.” (1 Peter 1:23)

Shadows that Haunt

The shadows of fear, anxiety and self-indulgence all too often become ghosts and phantoms that haunt us.  The slightest gust of wind fills us with terror and a creaky floor causes us to freeze.  Friends become backstabbers, our parents our adversaries, and God—an enemy.  With darting eyes and racing hearts we find ourselves hurrying along, occasionally daring to rapidly glance back over our shoulder. 

Why this running and hiding lifestyle as though we are escaped convicts? Is it possible that all the worries of this world, combined with a sin-soiled conscience, have made us restless and prone to fear and avoidance?  I think so.  Maybe we have a sense that someone or something is out to get us, that we are being pursued. It is this terror that quickly consumes us, causing us to turn and flee in fear and mistrust even when we are not being pursued.

“The wicked flee when no one pursues…”

Proverbs 8:21a

Our guilty conscience condemns us, and in our wickedness and despair we are fearful.  But is there hope?  Is there somewhere we may find rest and boldness, somewhere we may shed our fears? 

Indeed, there is one great shadow we need not fear and from which we need not flee.   It is beneath this shadow—the shadow of the cross—that we are freed from the nightmares of our sins.  Here alone are we blessed and here alone do we find rest.  And it is here, in the shadow of the cross, that we are confronted with the Gospel and all that Christ has done on our behalf.  

“But he was pierced for our transgressions;

he was crushed for our iniquities;

upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,

and with his wounds we are healed.

All we like sheep have gone astray;

we have turned—every one—to his own way;

and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

Isaiah 53:5-6

As believers, we have a mighty and merciful message in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  This is a great hope and security in the face of a guilty conscience that threatens to destroy us.   No longer does every breeze that blows or every floor that creaks condemn us.  We need not agonize over the voices that once joined in unison to testify to our guilt, for in Christ all is washed away and we are freed from fear and healed of our sins!   

“..let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith,

with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience

and our bodies washed with pure water.”

Hebrews 10:22

“…for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart,
 and he knows everything.  Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, 

we have confidence before God…”

1 John 30:20-21

“Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven,

and whose sins are covered;

blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin.”

Romans 4:7-8

“There is therefore now no condemnation

for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Romans 8:1

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

John 8:36

What great and glorious truths! We are freed and protected and glorified when we hide ourselves within the shadow of Christ and the cross.      

“And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the Lord,

and I will be the glory in her midst.”

Zechariah 2:5

So let us hide ourselves within the fiery walls of protection afforded us by Christ's sacrifice, and when Satan tempts us to despair and our guilty hearts cry out of the guilt we hold within, may we boldly look to the cross and hold fast to the promise and reassurance and hope we have in Christ: 

When Satan tempts me to despair,

And tells me of the guilt within,

Upward I look, and see Him there

Who made an end to all my sin.

Because the sinless Savior died,

My sinful soul is counted free;

For God the just is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me
(Before the Throne of God Above)

So what does mean?  It means we can stop running and hiding.  In Christ we are promised protection from the fires and shadows that haunt us.  His guiltless blood shed for us has covered all our sins and they are remembered no more.  No more! They have been removed as far as the East is from the West.    We may now come to the Father not as vile convicts but as sons and daughters of the King.  Unlike the shadows of our past, the shadow of the cross will never threaten or haunt us.  Rather, it is in the shadow of what Christ has done on the cross that we are granted the greatest blessing of all—we are invited to come and forevermore be filled with the infinite joy of God’s glory and presence.    

“For I will satisfy the weary soul,

 and every languishing soul I will replenish.”

 Jeremiah 31:25