Lists: Your Plans or God's?

He must not only know what he believes, he must know why he believes the things that he believes.  He's gotta be good with kids.  Hardworking, honest, humble, and handsome: those are a must.  He's gotta be articulate and athletic.  If he's older and successful, that's a plus.  Oh, and tall too.  I'm almost 5'10", so I gotta be able to wear my heels and not dwarf him! He has to fit in perfectly with my life: if he truly loves me, he won't ask me to change.   He can't be a nut.  No wacky ex-girlfriends. He’s gotta love the Lord.  Oh, and did I mention he has to be handsome?  We’re talkin’ a 9 or a 10 here folks.  And together we’re gonna make smart, tall, beautiful, athletic and talented babies.  Lots of ‘em.     

How's that for a list?  Sound familiar? I mean, when it comes to a spouse, don't we deserve nothing less than the best?  If I believe God has great plans for me, isn't my list at least somewhat justified?  Well at minimum, people always say it's good to know what you want, right?  

Maybe.  Maybe not.  Herein lies my problem with the “list mentality”, and it arises after examining Proverbs 16.  Let’s look at a few verses:

Verse  1: "The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.”  That seems pretty clear to me: I can plan and daydream all I want, but in the end it is the Lord, the One with true authority, who wills and brings forth HIS plan.  Yes, HIS plan.  Not mine!  He is the Author of all things, the great playwright.  He has the final say on this stage we call life.  Maybe His answer is “Yes”, maybe “No”.  Or possibly, “Not now, dear child.”  But I do know this, whatever His answer, it is right and good because it is in accordance with His good will.  And so I trust that He has a beautiful plan beyond what I can even imagine!

Verse 2: “All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the spirit.” Each one of us is self- biased.  Just spend some time around any normal human being and that will become quite evident. Oh you came up with that idea?  You’re an idiot.  But if I came up with that idea, well now, that’s another story.  I’m brilliant.  Possibly even the greatest thing since the invention of the toothbrush (or SPAM).  Take you’re pick.   Well, not really, but I think you get my point.  Too often we cannot see past ourselves.  We think our ideas and our lives are great.  We think we’re great.  What’s most scary about this is that often these thoughts and ideas about ourselves are not even conscious!  We are so wrapped up in ourselves and we can’t even see it! So when the Lord weighs my spirit, what will He find?  Will He find me searching high and low for the perfect spouse to fit my perfect little world?  A spouse who can fulfill all of my wants and needs?  Or will He find me humbly surrendering up my love life (or lack of it!) to Him?  Am I seeking a spouse for my own glory or for His?  Am I seeking to pursue my “pure” ways, or His pure ways? The answer makes all the difference.    

Verse 4a: “The LORD has made everything for its purpose.”  Everything?  Yes, everything.  “Whoa!”, you say, “that’s a lot of things!”   Indeed it is!  I find it amazing that all things and all human beings possess a unique, God-give purpose.  And furthermore, God equips us to fulfill our purposes when we are pursuing and seeking after Him!  While I would certainly like to be married some day, I know that as long as I keep running after the Lord, He is going to give me the tools I need to fulfill all He has called me to.  Maybe somewhere in there He’ll include a husband.  Maybe not.  Either way, however, I will not be lacking, because in Him I have EVERYTHING!  Once again, am I pursuing God’s purpose for my life, or am I trying to force my own self-determined purpose on Him?          

Verse 5:  “Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the LORD; be assured, he will not go unpunished.”  An abomination to the Lord?  That’s a pretty serious statement!  But I believe there is a lot of truth in this, especially when it comes to relationships and dating.  I think the “list mentality” can be a sign of arrogance because it portrays the message that “I know best.  In fact, because I know best, and this is what I think I need, by golly I’m gonna get it!”  I think it can be  both presumptuous and prideful. But let’s take a step back.  Take me, for example.  Yes, I have ideas of what qualities a godly man should possess.  And while I don’t necessarily always hope for the “tall, dark and handsome” type, I confess there are certain traits I find more attractive in men. This seems innocent, but looking back at this verse, is it really arrogant? I think it all comes down to the heart.  Who am I trusting in?  Myself or the One who is bigger than me? Personally, I know this: God is bigger than any of my lists!  As my Creator and Father, He knows me intimately, and He knows me better than I even know myself.  In fact, because He knows me better than I even know myself, He also knows what I need more thoroughly than I myself know! And that even includes the type of man I Lord-willing marry someday!  I believe wholeheartedly that God has something glorious in store for me.  Whether that is a life of singleness or marriage, I do not know.  And yet I do know this: whatever God has in store, He will make it clear and He will equip me for it.  And furthermore, I will be incredibly grateful in the end because whatever He brings me, it will be way beyond anything I could ever dare ask or imagine.   To draw from Tim Keller, “[…my] mind is not open enough or frankly smart enough to know what [I] spiritually need.”  God is bigger than our lists.  I know this because countless times I have seen Him turn such lists completely upside-down!  God gives us what we need, not what we want!  And to demand our near-sighted desires be met and blessed by Him is both arrogance and foolishness!      

Verse 9: “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” You mean I don't have the final say?  No.  You can plan all you want, but God always has the last word.   Once again, this is another affirmation that God is bigger than our lists!   

Verse 25: "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death."  Death?  Whoa, that's pretty serious! Many of you are probably wondering if death in this context is meant literally or figuratively.  I would argue both.  I think a family friend stated it very well when she said, "Dream your dreams, but if God isn't in them they'll soon become your worst nightmares."  Nightmares which will manifest themselves in physical, emotional, and spiritual death.  Yes, I hope to be married someday.  Indeed, very much so.  But I only want this if it is indeed what the Lord has for me.  If it is not in His plan, I want no part in it. I’d rather be in God’s will and single than pursuing my own will and married.  If I determine for myself that I will be married, and I pursue that apart from God’s will, I have no doubt that it will be disastrous.  I mean, how more disastrous than death can it get? It can’t! 

As I wrap up, I want to look at The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer.  He writes, "There can be no doubt that this possessive clinging to things is one of the most harmful habits in the life. Because it is natural, it is rarely recognized for the evil that it is. But its outworkings are tragic. We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. That is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fear. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed."  What are these "things" we cling to?  Well, it can most definitely be those treasures and relationships which are tangible.  But I also believe these "things" we cling to can just as much be ideas.  In the world of dating and relationships, especially prospective relationships, these ideas and images can manifest themselves in lists, either physical or mental.  The problem is, these notions are often constructed out of our own selfish and sometimes misguided yearnings.  

And so I close with this: like John Newton, I want my joyful prayer to be, "Lord, what you will, when you will, how you will."  If it is the Lord's will that I be blessed enough to be married some day, I am trusting that He will bring that man into my life in His good timing.  And I am trusting that He will do that apart from, and in spite of, my meek lists.  Until then, I have the duty of singleness, and I want to be used by my Lord and Savior where He has me now—and that is as a single college student.  I don’t want to waste this precious time away yearning for something that might not even be in the Lord’s plan for me.   Instead of focusing on lists and daydreaming about my future spouse, I want to pour my time and energy into accomplishing all that God has for me and day by day, growing more and more into a woman after His own heart.  Lord, what you will, when you will, how you will.  Amen.

**Note:  For those of you concerned folks out there, that list at the beginning is not Sara Seeland’s “What I Want in a Husband” list.  It was rather a compilation and exaggeration of lists I have seen over the past.  Please forgive the ridiculous sarcasm as I sought to re-create snippets from those lists. 

United States Marine Corps: Letting Go and Letting God

Today has been such a bittersweet day.  Now a young man, my not-so-little brother left for Marine boot camp.  Last night, the entire family came over to say their goodbyes and spend time in prayer with Zach.  As my teary-eyed family sat gathered in the living room and passed around the Kleenex box, I was overwhelmed by the love and care within our family.  I truly do not know any other family where cousins are best friends and aunts and uncles are seen as second parents.  

As we each went around and lifted Zach up to the Lord in prayer, I was overcome with an incredible sense of awe and peace at God's mercy upon our family.  Yes, we will all miss Zach terribly.  Yes, I selfishly want to keep Zach here away from screaming drill sergeants.  Yes, for my own peace of mind I want him to stay close to home.  Yes, I want the freedom to know that he is only a phone call away.  These are all things that I feel as Zach's sister.  And yet, I along with everyone else in the family can send Zach off in the confidence that he is in the Lord's hands.

Zach has always been my little brother, my goofy sidekick, my protector, my friend.  I guess there is a part of me that fears this will change--that somehow all this will cease now that he is becoming a Marine.  And yet, in spite of it all, I take comfort in knowing that the Lord has so clearly led Zach to the Marines.  This is the Lord's will for Zach, and Zach has honored Him in pursuing it.   God has granted Zach the unique gifts and the passion to make him suited for the Marines, and because the Lord has called him there, the Marines are the safest place for Zach to be.  Not here.  Not close to home and near family, but in the Marines, in the will of the Lord.

While it is difficult to accept that the Lord has called Zach away, there is also something exciting in this, for whenever and wherever the Lord calls someone, He is faithful to equip and sustain them.  I am learning that we are not called because we are somehow able or adequate for the given job, but rather God makes us able because He has called us to a particular job.   And I trust that the Lord will be faithful to equip Zach for all He has for him in the Marines!

As I’ve been thinking throughout the day, I believe one may find many parallels between Marine boot camp and the Christian walk.   Here are a few:

In boot camp, Zach will be treated harshly and the instructions he receives are meant to cause him to abandon his old habits.  Likewise, a call to faith is a call to cast off our old selves.  To become Christlike, we must abandon our sinful and base fleshly desires and die to ourselves.  And like bootcamp, this is no easy task.  We are not able to change in and of ourselves.  Rather, we need someone outside of ourselves to enter into our lives and take on the tedious task of teaching and training us as to what we are to become.  In bootcamp, this is clearly seen in the overseeing officers and drill sergeants.  In Christianity, I think we see this in two ways.  First, man was so helpless to save himself that it required the death of Christ on the cross and His resurrection from the grave to restore us into a right relationship with our Heavenly Father.  Secondly, while Christ is the ultimate example and authority, He also uses those within His body of followers to raise up and train the younger generations.  My prayer is that the Lord will bring Godly men into Zach’s life, men who can hold Zach accountable by challenging and encourage him in his personal walk with Christ.

Zach will also face all sorts of challenging obstacles in boot camp.  These challenges will be both physical and mental, each uniquely designed to transform him into a Marine.   Just as the challenges of boot camp are specifically designed with some greater end purpose in mind (the making of a Marine), so too does God place particular obstacles and trials in our lives to shape and mold us into Christ-like men and women whose hearts and passion are increasingly for Him and His glory.  God is committed to our sanctification, and because He intimately knows each of our hearts, He knows exactly what fiery trials will consume the dross within our hearts and refine us to Him.   And because He loves us, He will lead us along those paths.  Just like boot camp, He has specifically designed all the trials we encounter to draw us close to Himself and make us more into the glorious beings He intended us to be.

Also, it is not a matter of if Zach will make mistakes during boot camp.  He certainly will.  It is merely a matter of when.  And so, when that time comes and Zach fails during boot camp, he will almost definitely be ridiculed and humiliated into shame by his officers.  But he will stand and take the harsh criticisms, for he knows that in the end, the current hard circumstances are necessary if he wants to leave his boyishness behind and become the Marine he is designed to be.   Likewise, no Christian is perfect, and although we are daily being sanctified, we still bear our sinful natures and will carry this with us until the day we die.  There is one difference, however.  As a Christian, Zach knows not only who he is, but Whose he is.  And because of Who Zach bases his identity on, his self-worth cannot be determined by those around him.  Not by me, not by screaming officers.  Zach is Christ’s, and Christ is his. 

The last parallel is this.  Once Zach graduates from boot camp, he will always be a United States Marine.  In fact, I’ve learned that there is no such thing as an “ex-Marine”.  While Marines are known by their uniforms, they are still set apart and respected as Marines even if their uniform is taken away.  The Marine Corps automatically makes Zach different and set apart from other men.  Others will know him by this. And what is more, Zach will not forget who he now is.  As a United States Marine, Zach will be pushed and trained to become disciplined in both mind and body so as to meet both the physical and mental demands of training and live combat.  All in all, as a Marine, whether in uniform or out, he is expected to demonstrate his identity in both his character and behavior.  But Zach will never be a United States Marine first and foremost.  My prayer is that above all,  even the Marines, Zach will be a man of God.  Zach is a Christian.  And just as he will be known by others as a Marine, my prayer is that this will come second to being known as an upright and dedicated servant and follower of Christ.  All Christians belong to Christ, and therefore Zach belongs to Christ.  May this always be so, and may he never forget WHOSE he is!!

And so, I know that Zach's heart and genuine passion is to serve the Lord and bring glory to Him by reflecting Christ in his life.  In all honesty, the roughness of the Marines scares me, and I feel frightened for Zachary.  But I believe wholeheartedly that the Lord will not abandon Zach, and that for His own great Name's sake He will be faithful to not forsake Zach.  Because I firmly believe that God is faithful to uphold his promises, I am free to joyfully surrender Zach to the Lord's good care.  Yes, it is hard to see him go, but I believe and pray that Zach will be a powerful tool for radiating Christ's glory and bringing others to Christ.  We need strong, committed, noble, humbly confident, Christian men in our armed forces.  Men who are great leaders.  Men who are so committed to their duty and yet so radical in their love and selfless service to others that their fellow servicemen cannot help but be drawn to them and transformed through them.   My prayer is that my little brother will be such a man.  Man of God first.  Marine second. 

Who are you?  And even more importantly, Whose are you?

Picture of the Day: Rose for Jesus

I find roses absolutely breathtaking.  It may sound corny or strange, but my prayer is that I will be a rose for Christ--rooted in Him and receptive to His pruning so that I may bring Him joy.  May my heart bloom forth in beauty and sweet fragrance as I find myself in Him and seek to radiate His glory!