Our Testimony, God's Story

Our stories—with both their past and ongoing heartaches, sins, rebellions and joys—are beautiful testimonies of God’s redeeming love and boundless grace towards us.  Every aspect of our testimony, from our prodigal son-like recklessness to humble repentance, contributes to our story.  Both the tragedies and triumphs are knit together in such a manner that they cannot and should not be separated—victories do not bring joy without the struggle that precedes them, and satisfying and beautiful rest is not seen as such apart from contrasting trials. And so you cannot have the one without the other—tragedy and triumph go hand-in-hand.  

When it comes to my testimony, I confess that at times I prefer to “leave out” some details, especially when it relates to my own shortcomings. Yet God has faithfully worked on me with His divine brush, so why do I attempt to paint a different picture of my life?  At times I’m ashamed of what I did and who I was—ashamed that I lived as I did and didn’t have my life more “together”.   In other instances, my pride influences what I share.  If something makes me look better, I’ll share it.  If it cuts to the root of my sinful heart, however, it’s conveniently left out.  In such instances, my shame and pride display both arrogance and a resistance to share my own struggles.

Maybe we wish our testimony was somehow different. Perhaps we think to ourselves:

If only I hadn’t been so stubborn in my sin… 

If only I would have repented sooner…

 If only I would have surrendered myself to Christ before this or that happened...

 If only I didn’t backslide…

Or maybe upon hearing the testimony of another, we hesitate to share ours, thinking:

How on earth am I supposed to follow on the heels of that testimony? Compared to that story, mine isn’t that profound.  I wish I had a more radical, compelling story.  Mine pales in comparison…

Or maybe we even feel:

Wow, their “sinful living” was nothing compared to the darkness I embraced.  They’ve hardly done anything wrong.  I feel so dirty compared to them.  Maybe I shouldn’t share my full story.  They’ll either be offended or write me off if they know the full extent of who I once was…who I am…

I think Satan hurls these lies against us in the hopes of keeping us from sharing our testimonies.  Why? I believe that in causing us to feel self-conscious or insecure about our story, the evil one hopes to turn our focus inward.  Our story, however, isn’t really ours —it’s God’s.  And that is precisely why we should share it and exactly why Satan will utilize all his power to try and keep us quiet.   

The reality of the matter, however, is that just because we each possess a different story does not mean that one testimony is somehow “better” than the next.  In fact, the uniqueness of our testimonies is beautiful because God specifically customizes His work in each one of us.  The end goal—our salvation and sanctification and His glorification—is the same for all, but the means by which we are drawn to Him and the processes by which He works in our lives are hand-tailored to each one of us.  We are not cookie-cutouts.  Different does not mean better, and we must guard ourselves against falling prey to such lies.  We need all sorts of testimonies, for they remind us that no one is beyond the reach of God’s grace or the need of God’s grace.

So yes, sharing our stories is important.  It encourages our hearts and the hearts of those around us in several ways.  First, sharing our testimony compels us to remember all that God has brought to pass in our life.  Personally, I am so prone to forgetting—forgetting how lost I was in my sin, the painful trials I struggled through, and God’s faithfulness in the midst of all.  I forget who I am and Whose I am.  When I share my story, however, I am quickly reminded I am more underserving and sinful than I ever dared think, but as God’s precious daughter I am more loved and accepted than I ever dared hope.   Sharing our story is thus the means by which we are reminded of who we are, but more importantly, Whose we are and who God is.  Secondly, sharing our story lifts our hearts and emboldens us as we are reminded of the power of the One we serve.  When we share our stories, we are reminded that the Holy Spirit works in profound ways and is able to accomplish beyond all we could ever ask or imagine.  So we can take heart, knowing that God is for us and fights on our behalf.  Thirdly, I think God is pleased and glorified when we share our stories with others.  If we share our stories in a truly honest and humble manner, the focus in the end should not be on us.  While it may appear as though we own our story, the reality of the matter is that Christ’s work in our lives should reflect God’s glory and place the spotlight on Him.   We see that God reaches all sorts of people, softening the hardest of hearts and drawing even religious churchgoers into personal relationship with Himself. It is God who fiercely yet tenderly woos us in.  We cannot take credit for this.    

  

Along with this, the question may arise as to whether or not we should care what others think of us as we share our stories. Yes and no.  Yes, we should care in the sense that we bear the name of Christ and are thus responsible for how we represent Him. The Gospel is offensive enough to many unbelievers—we ourselves should not be offensive.  There is also a sense, however, in which we should not care what others think.  When we share our stories, the emphasis should not be on our excellency, wisdom, or honor.  If people approve of us, it should be because they see and love and rejoice in Christ’s work in our lives.  In other words, they approve of us not because of what we have done, but because of what Christ has done in us and through us on our behalf.  There may be some, however, who upon hearing our stories reject us.  While no one whishes to be resisted or condemned, our identity does not rest on the opinions of others.  We should not attempt to change who we are or alter the theme of our stories simply to avoid rejection or win the approval of others.  I love what John Piper stated in a sermon on Christian identity and Christian destiny:

“[…] as a Christian you cannot talk about your identity without talking about the action of God on you, the relationship of God with you, and the purpose of God for you. The biblical understanding of human self-identity is radically God-centered…[God] has given us our identity in order that his identity might be proclaimed through us. God made us who we are so we could make known who he is. Our identity is for the sake of making known his identity. The meaning of our identity is that the excellency of God be seen in us.”

As the other day was Christmas, my stepdad sat and read John 1:1-18 to the family.  Prior to yesterday, I had typically overlooked John’s role in this passage and instead focused on Christ, who is referred to as both the life and light of men.  The other night, however, several things struck me regarding John.  We read:

“There was a man sent from God, whose name was John.  He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light.”

First, what struck me is that John was a witness.  In other words, John’s role was to give testimony to others of who Christ was.   Secondly, when I had previously read “that all might believe through him”, I had always assumed that “him” referred to the “light”, or Christ.  I didn’t realize, however, that “him” refers to John—Christ’s witness.  What I find fascinating is that while it is belief in Christ that saves, most people come to see and believe in Christ through the testimony of others.  John was a witness proclaiming Christ such that others were drawn to faith through his testimony. We also read that “[Christ] was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him.  He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him.”  It seems then that witnesses are important exactly because the world is hostile to Christ and the Gospel.  We ourselves are not the light, but we are responsible for reflecting and radiating that Light to a dark world.  Because of this, we cannot neglect our role since we are one of God’s means for drawing His children to Himself. 

So what does all of this mean?  Alone, you and I may be only one voice, but together we can live and proclaim God’s work in our lives in such a way that brings glory to Him.  As we are filled with God’s Spirit, our hearts should overflow with thankfulness for His merciful and gracious work in our lives and an eagerness to share what He has done.  Our words and actions and attitudes should proclaim and display the goodness of God—in the way we speak and live, we should portray Christ in such a manner that others are drawn to Him.  So out of our love for God and others, let us rejoice and boldly share who we are, Whose we are, who God is, and the glorious ways He is at work in our lives. 

Shadows that Haunt

The shadows of fear, anxiety and self-indulgence all too often become ghosts and phantoms that haunt us.  The slightest gust of wind fills us with terror and a creaky floor causes us to freeze.  Friends become backstabbers, our parents our adversaries, and God—an enemy.  With darting eyes and racing hearts we find ourselves hurrying along, occasionally daring to rapidly glance back over our shoulder. 

Why this running and hiding lifestyle as though we are escaped convicts? Is it possible that all the worries of this world, combined with a sin-soiled conscience, have made us restless and prone to fear and avoidance?  I think so.  Maybe we have a sense that someone or something is out to get us, that we are being pursued. It is this terror that quickly consumes us, causing us to turn and flee in fear and mistrust even when we are not being pursued.

“The wicked flee when no one pursues…”

Proverbs 8:21a

Our guilty conscience condemns us, and in our wickedness and despair we are fearful.  But is there hope?  Is there somewhere we may find rest and boldness, somewhere we may shed our fears? 

Indeed, there is one great shadow we need not fear and from which we need not flee.   It is beneath this shadow—the shadow of the cross—that we are freed from the nightmares of our sins.  Here alone are we blessed and here alone do we find rest.  And it is here, in the shadow of the cross, that we are confronted with the Gospel and all that Christ has done on our behalf.  

“But he was pierced for our transgressions;

he was crushed for our iniquities;

upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,

and with his wounds we are healed.

All we like sheep have gone astray;

we have turned—every one—to his own way;

and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

Isaiah 53:5-6

As believers, we have a mighty and merciful message in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  This is a great hope and security in the face of a guilty conscience that threatens to destroy us.   No longer does every breeze that blows or every floor that creaks condemn us.  We need not agonize over the voices that once joined in unison to testify to our guilt, for in Christ all is washed away and we are freed from fear and healed of our sins!   

“..let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith,

with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience

and our bodies washed with pure water.”

Hebrews 10:22

“…for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart,
 and he knows everything.  Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, 

we have confidence before God…”

1 John 30:20-21

“Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven,

and whose sins are covered;

blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin.”

Romans 4:7-8

“There is therefore now no condemnation

for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Romans 8:1

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

John 8:36

What great and glorious truths! We are freed and protected and glorified when we hide ourselves within the shadow of Christ and the cross.      

“And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the Lord,

and I will be the glory in her midst.”

Zechariah 2:5

So let us hide ourselves within the fiery walls of protection afforded us by Christ's sacrifice, and when Satan tempts us to despair and our guilty hearts cry out of the guilt we hold within, may we boldly look to the cross and hold fast to the promise and reassurance and hope we have in Christ: 

When Satan tempts me to despair,

And tells me of the guilt within,

Upward I look, and see Him there

Who made an end to all my sin.

Because the sinless Savior died,

My sinful soul is counted free;

For God the just is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me
(Before the Throne of God Above)

So what does mean?  It means we can stop running and hiding.  In Christ we are promised protection from the fires and shadows that haunt us.  His guiltless blood shed for us has covered all our sins and they are remembered no more.  No more! They have been removed as far as the East is from the West.    We may now come to the Father not as vile convicts but as sons and daughters of the King.  Unlike the shadows of our past, the shadow of the cross will never threaten or haunt us.  Rather, it is in the shadow of what Christ has done on the cross that we are granted the greatest blessing of all—we are invited to come and forevermore be filled with the infinite joy of God’s glory and presence.    

“For I will satisfy the weary soul,

 and every languishing soul I will replenish.”

 Jeremiah 31:25

Choices

“[E]very time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different than it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing into a heavenly creature or a hellish creature: either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, and with its fellow creatures, and with itself. To be the one kind of creature is heaven: that is, it is joy and peace and knowledge and power. To be the other means madness, horror, idiocy, rage, impotence, and eternal loneliness. Each of us at each moment is progressing to the one state or the other.” -C.S. Lewis

Each day I make hundreds of choices.  Maybe even thousands.  Most often, these choices are not major in and of themselves, and yet despite their seeming triviality, C.S. Lewis challenges me to rethink such presuppositions.  A whole is almost always composed of much smaller entities. In this case, it is my day-to-day decisions.  This quote from C.S. Lewis is quite powerful and really has me thinking.  Why do I choose the things that I do?  What motivates me?  I am not naïve enough to think that my decisions are completely unbiased or unmotivated by something at their root, for they are indeed. The question is, what?  And whatever my answer, C.S. Lewis makes it very clear that it is by no means inconsequential.  Rather, it is of high consequence!  I am either choosing paths that lead me towards God and eternal joy or away from Him and towards eternal damnation.  This life is only a mere shadow of the next, and the Heaven or Hell I find myself in here is only a foretaste of what is to come.  Ideas have consequences.    My ideas have consequences.  My decisions and actions have consequences—eternal consequences!  This is no trivial matter.  I think it’s time I start examining even the smallest decisions I make and pray for both the awareness and wisdom to discern between those things which are of God and those that are not of Him.  There is a war raging around and within us, a war for our hearts and minds and souls.  If Satan can lead us astray in the small things, he gains a foothold and runs rampant.  Oh God, let me not be led astray in the small things.  Let none of us be blinded to our own sin and wandering hearts.  Keep our hearts and minds and souls stayed on You.  Through the power of Your Spirit, lead us step by step, day by day.  Change us into heavenly creatures for Your glory, and let us not become the hellish creatures that hate you.  Save us from ourselves, oh God!  Save me from myself!       

The Fight of Faith

“Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.  Fight the good fight of the faith.  Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”

 1 Timothy 6:11-12

I have been convicted recently of how passive and lukewarm I have become in my faith as each day I struggle to make time in Word and come before the Lord.  My faith really feels like a fight now.  What does this mean though?  How and why is faith a “fight”?  I believe that my faith and the faith of other believers is a fight in a few different senses.  The first is that our faith requires that we do daily battle against sin and the pulls of this world.  That one seems obvious.  I find that for myself, however, faith can also be a fight in a much more different sense, and it is this:  the daily battle to keep believing in God and trusting in His promises.  I am both a planner and a perfectionist, and as such I have a hard time asking for help. It is no wonder that one of my greatest sin struggles is self-reliance!  I don’t so much struggle with carrying a burden as I do allowing a burden to be carried for me.  The my weaknesses and inadequacies may feel like failures, the reality is that that they are actually blessings, for the reality is that I can never and will never get through on my own!  My strength is not enough!  As Martin Luther says, “All our striving would be losing.”  This is so true of me: so often I try so hard to go somewhere and end up going nowhere.  I cannot do this alone, and my weaknesses are a constant reminder that I need Someone greater than myself.  And yet, while I know this, Satan threatens to steal my hope and peace by stirring within me unbelief and doubt about God’s promises.  Do I trust that God is great enough, strong enough, and caring enough to take on my burdens?  And so, faith is very much a fight for me—a fight against the very real enemies of unbelief and doubt.   

Since faith is a fight, it obviously requires action.  Just look at what Christians are called to: “Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.  Fight the good fight of the faith.  Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”   No battle was ever won by men sitting comfortably at home. God has ordained that I and other Christians fight for our faith and for Him.  This is not optional!  And yet I casually and comfortably go about my life as though it were an option.  God calls us to press forward because He knows that if we stand still, it is only a matter of time before we will begin to sink.

I have trusted in my own strength for far too long.  The enemy is very evil, and I cannot face him alone.  But praise God that I am not left to my own strength.  In one of his sermons, John Piper quotes from Scripture, "For God is at work in you both to will and to do his good pleasure."   Piper goes on to explain this by saying. “In other words, when a child of God fights the fight of faith, God is really the one who is behind that struggle giving the will and the power to defeat the enemy of unbelief. We are not left to ourselves to sustain faith. God fights for us and in us. Therefore the fight of faith is a good fight.”   I am so encouraged by this.  I am struggling right now, but I praise God that He is in it and that He has promised never to forsake me.   

Yes, this fight of a faith is indeed a good fight, as difficult and as painful as it may be at times. It is good because I am fighting against the evil enemy.  It is good because I am not fighting in my own strength.  It is good because God is glorified as I humbly allow Him to carry my burdens.  And lastly, it is good because it is the God-ordained way by which I lay hold of eternal life.  My prayer this week is that I will fight the good fight by submitting myself to the will of the Lord by casting my worries and anxieties on Him and trusting in His good promises.  Through His power, I want to fight for freedom—freedom from the doubts and unbelief that manifest themselves in “standing still” in my walk with the Lord.       

Man a Nothing

This week began in a not-so-pleasant manner, to say the least.  I had so much to do and by Sunday afternoon things were already falling apart.  I tend to pride myself in my organization and capabilities and how others view me, but as this week went on I grew increasingly aggravated as my efforts crumbled before me.  I was busy and stressed, and it felt as though the harder I tried, the worse things became. In fact, by the middle of the week I had begun to expect that everything that could potentially go wrong would.  But what did this cause me to do?  Did I run back to the cross and surrender up my all?  No, I pushed God further away as I relied increasingly on myself—the worse things became, the more I dug in my heels, determined to make it through on my own.  It wasn’t until the other day that I realized my insanity, and it was as though God suddenly hit me upside the head with the reality of what my heart idolatries were causing me to do.  I had been running in a great circle, but not only that, it was a steep, downward-spiraling circle.  Everything that came to me throughout the week had been meant to drive me back to Christ, but in my stubbornness I became increasingly self-sufficient, blindly running headlong into self-destruction.  I am reminded now of how desperately I need to be saved from myself!  I have puffed myself up with pride and forgotten that any good thing I possess is an undeserved gift of God’s mercy—I am so quick to flaunt myself proudly, and yet that which I arrogantly flaunt is not my own!  My prayer is that God will strip me of my pride and self-sufficiency, and that His Spirit will be at work in my heart, guarding me against the lies of the Devil that threaten to take me captive should I give them a foothold.  I am learning that at the cross is where I am safest, and I am never so vulnerable as when I get up off my knees.  May I walk before my Lord in humility, resigning all to Him.  The following prayer is from the Valley of Vision, and it is titled “Man a Nothing.”  I love it, and pertains perfectly to my experience this past week.  

O Lord,

I am a shell of dust,

but am animated with an invisible rational soul

and made anew by an unseen power of grace;

Yet I am no rare object of valuable price,

but one that has nothing and is nothing,

although chosen of thee from eternity,

given to Christ, and born again;

I am deeply convinced

of the evil and misery of a sinful state,

of the vanity of creatures,

but also of the sufficiency of Christ.

When thou wouldst guide me I control myself,

When thou wouldst be sovereign I rule myself.

When thou wouldst take care of me I suffice myself.

When I should depend on thy providings I supply

myself,

When I should submit to thy providence I follow

my will,

When I should study, love honour, trust thee,

I serve myself;

I fault and correct thy laws to suit myself,

Instead of thee I look to a man’s approbation,

and am by nature an idolater.

Lord, it is my chief design to bring my heart back

to thee.

Convince me that I cannot be my own God,

or make myself happy,

nor my own Christ to restore my joy,

nor my own Spirit to teach, guide, rule me.

Help me to see that grace does this by providential

affliction,

for when my credit is good thou dost cast me 

lower,

when riches are my idol thou dost wing them

away,

when pleasure is my all thou dost turn it into

bitterness.

Take away my roving eye, curious ear, greedy

appetite, lustful heart;

show me that none of these things

can heal a wounded conscience,

or support a tottering frame,

or uphold a departing spirit.

Then take me to the cross

and leave me there.

Mark Driscoll: How Dare You

I have recently come along a good friend and joined her in prayer for a friend of hers. This particular girl’s family is in the midst of being torn apart by the actions of an abusive father and husband.  This man is not engaged in the lives of his wife or children, and the message they receive from him is loud and clear—they are meaningless to him.   However, this man doesn’t only fail as the leader of his home because he has neglected them.  As if that weren’t enough, he also bears down on them with a reign of terror. In fact, it has recently become so bad that the mother is now too afraid to go to bed at night for fear of facing her husband’s bitter hatred.  She has thus resorted to crawling into bed with her daughter, both of them hugging and crying themselves to sleep as the night drags on.  Afraid to seek help from the church for fear of what the father will do, this mother and her children have resorted to submitting to this man’s tyranny. Having experienced a similar situation with my own family, it both breaks my heart and angers me to hear of other families suffering such horror and heartache.  The families in today’s churches are under attack, and I believe Satan is waging war against the Christian home, seeking to destroy the lives of men and women who profess the name of Christ. In fact, I’m sure we would be shocked if we knew how prevalent this is in today’s church.

Satan has done a masterful job at distorting the two divine mandates of headship and submission. Sadly, it is not uncommon to see men who authoritatively control their families in a selfish, self-serving way. On the other extreme, today’s church is filled with men who cede the responsibility for guiding the family to their wives. Likewise, while some women are dominated by their husbands, others seek to “wear the pants” and control the relationship.  This is not God’s ideal, yet we have so quickly abandoned it! We are in desperate need of husbands and fathers who have the courage to stand upon the Word of God, men who honor their God-given responsibility to lead, guide, protect, and provide for their families. 

This situation with my friends reminds me of this this clip from Mark Driscoll.  It is very powerful!  He boldly confronts the men in his church, men who are neglecting, dishonoring, and abusing God’s daughters. This snippet is taken from his "Marriage and Men" sermon. Fed up with the havoc wreaked by men acting like boys, Driscoll calls out the men in his church, challenging them to grow up and treat women the way they are called to be treated. It is a very sobering message, and I'm sure many women wish the men in their lives had the ears to hear it.

Since the garden of Eden when Adam and Eve first fell in sin, the realm of marriage and family has been a raging battlefield.  Today, I believe the church has a responsibility to shepherd its flock, supporting and challenging its members and, when necessary, practicing loving church discipline.  Just as church leaders will be held accountable for how they shepherd their community, so too will husbands and wives.   My prayer is that God will give husbands the courage to seek accountability and provide the loving leadership God intended them to exercise, and wives the grace to respect and support their husbands.