Man a Nothing

This week began in a not-so-pleasant manner, to say the least.  I had so much to do and by Sunday afternoon things were already falling apart.  I tend to pride myself in my organization and capabilities and how others view me, but as this week went on I grew increasingly aggravated as my efforts crumbled before me.  I was busy and stressed, and it felt as though the harder I tried, the worse things became. In fact, by the middle of the week I had begun to expect that everything that could potentially go wrong would.  But what did this cause me to do?  Did I run back to the cross and surrender up my all?  No, I pushed God further away as I relied increasingly on myself—the worse things became, the more I dug in my heels, determined to make it through on my own.  It wasn’t until the other day that I realized my insanity, and it was as though God suddenly hit me upside the head with the reality of what my heart idolatries were causing me to do.  I had been running in a great circle, but not only that, it was a steep, downward-spiraling circle.  Everything that came to me throughout the week had been meant to drive me back to Christ, but in my stubbornness I became increasingly self-sufficient, blindly running headlong into self-destruction.  I am reminded now of how desperately I need to be saved from myself!  I have puffed myself up with pride and forgotten that any good thing I possess is an undeserved gift of God’s mercy—I am so quick to flaunt myself proudly, and yet that which I arrogantly flaunt is not my own!  My prayer is that God will strip me of my pride and self-sufficiency, and that His Spirit will be at work in my heart, guarding me against the lies of the Devil that threaten to take me captive should I give them a foothold.  I am learning that at the cross is where I am safest, and I am never so vulnerable as when I get up off my knees.  May I walk before my Lord in humility, resigning all to Him.  The following prayer is from the Valley of Vision, and it is titled “Man a Nothing.”  I love it, and pertains perfectly to my experience this past week.  

O Lord,

I am a shell of dust,

but am animated with an invisible rational soul

and made anew by an unseen power of grace;

Yet I am no rare object of valuable price,

but one that has nothing and is nothing,

although chosen of thee from eternity,

given to Christ, and born again;

I am deeply convinced

of the evil and misery of a sinful state,

of the vanity of creatures,

but also of the sufficiency of Christ.

When thou wouldst guide me I control myself,

When thou wouldst be sovereign I rule myself.

When thou wouldst take care of me I suffice myself.

When I should depend on thy providings I supply

myself,

When I should submit to thy providence I follow

my will,

When I should study, love honour, trust thee,

I serve myself;

I fault and correct thy laws to suit myself,

Instead of thee I look to a man’s approbation,

and am by nature an idolater.

Lord, it is my chief design to bring my heart back

to thee.

Convince me that I cannot be my own God,

or make myself happy,

nor my own Christ to restore my joy,

nor my own Spirit to teach, guide, rule me.

Help me to see that grace does this by providential

affliction,

for when my credit is good thou dost cast me 

lower,

when riches are my idol thou dost wing them

away,

when pleasure is my all thou dost turn it into

bitterness.

Take away my roving eye, curious ear, greedy

appetite, lustful heart;

show me that none of these things

can heal a wounded conscience,

or support a tottering frame,

or uphold a departing spirit.

Then take me to the cross

and leave me there.