Small Talk

“You didn’t feed the dog?  How would you like it if you didn’t get fed?”

“Seriously, you’re wearing that?”

“Ugh! You’re so obnoxious sometimes!”

Sadly, each of these phrases came out of my mouth at some point over the past few days.  In fact, if I had a recording of all my words from even the past week played back to me, I would probably be horrified by what I hear. Being home, I have been convicted by my shortness and irritability with my family—the people I love most! 

What is it about words? Above all the animals, God gave human beings the gift of verbal communication.  However, because most of our communication takes place in the ordinary, day-to-day moments of our lives, we begin to believe that communication is indeed ordinary. I myself have underestimated the significance of communication—especially words—and I am discovering that every day I am telling people what I think of them and what I want from them.  What is more, this doesn’t occur in long formal speeches or family meetings in the living room.  Rather, the heart of the messages I communicate are found in my quick side comments, such as when someone fails to feed the dog, walks out into the kitchen in a strange outfit, or invades my “personal bubble”. 

Eugene Peterson’s translation of a Proverbs 18:21 says: “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.”  As trivial as we may think our words are, everything we say has direction.  If I am bitter, angry, sarcastic, demeaning and hurtful, my words have the power to crush and kill a person’s spirit.  On the other hand, if my words are thoughtful, encouraging, joyful, peaceful, and loving, they have the power to raise and “give life” to a person’s spirit.   Clearly, our words have power—incredible power.  Unfortunately, I often fail in speaking forth “life-giving” words.  It is something I am deeply aware of though, and I am earnestly praying that the Holy Spirit will continue to work in me, and not only help me to think before I speak, but acknowledge my faults when I do tear others down. 

I am also learning that my “word problems” are an indicator of heart problems.  As Luke 6:24 states, “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” I often find myself following a comment with “Just kidding!” or “Oops, I didn’t mean it like that!”  The fact is, however, I did mean it like that, and if the thought, feeling, motive, attitude or desire hadn’t first been in my heart, it wouldn’t have poured forth out of my mouth.  What does this mean then?  It means that if I wish to transform the way I talk to others, I have to start with my heart first.  If I try to deal with the problem simply by dealing with the words themselves, I am only scratching the surface, for the heart of the matter lies deep within.  My words are evidence of my daily need for God’s grace!

And so, as I stated earlier, God gave humans the unique ability to speak.  Yes, Polly may be trained to say she would like a cracker, but the truth is that our Creator gave us—human beings—the gift of speech, and so like everything He created, it exists for His glory.  Therefore, I know that not only does everything I do belong to God, but everything I say belongs to Him as well.  Along with Psalm 141:3¹ and Ephesians 4:29², my prayer is that I will not grieve the Holy Spirit with my words, and that the Holy Spirit will soften my heart towards others, softening which will begin show in the way I communicate. 

1. Psalm 141:3 “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!”

2. Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”